literature

A week of sadness

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Literature Text

I sit here, staring at the monitor, biting at my hand while listening to 'Fucking Perfect' over and over. Tears beging to form each time but none will seem to fall. I change the song to 'Dont let me get me' As I watch the clip to it a tear or two decide to escape. I dont bother to wipe them away. My thoughts drift away from the song. It turns to the past week. I realise how each day, i destroyed a part of me.

It was last Friday that they began. The feelings of unacceptance, loneliness and jealousy began tearing me apart. That day, i went to Lani's house as i was staying at hers for the night. when I got there, i saw that she had Cora, another friend of ours, over. They were happy and laughing together, talking like i wasnt even there. I became jealous as i felt like i no longer had a connection with either of them like i used to. I felt unaccepted because i was not part of the conversation. I felt lonely because i had no one to talk to. despite all that, i still stayed the night, ignoring the voices in my head warning me not too.

On Saturday, I didnt talk to Lani at all after i left. I didnt know what to say. the feelings grew worse. Sunday i stayed at home, ignoring all the hi's i got of facebook and msn.

Monday, i did as i was told for once, despite hating it. But no matter what i did, there was still something for dad to yell at me about.

Tuesday, I was on facebook. I said hi to Cora. I waited for a reply but after ten minutes, there was no reply. I asked another friend if she was talking to them, she said yes. The feelings grew worse.

Wednesday, i sent an inbox to her saying 'U hate me dont you?'. I still dont have a reply. Through chat, i sent her messages saying 'what the fuck i your problem with me?' and 'Fuck you too then bitch!' I even sent a message to Lani saying 'you hate me dont you?' after i got yet another inbox saying she was 'sick'. i knew she was lying. she would always say that whenever she didnt want to see me. she replied with a message saying 'what is your problem?' tears began to form as i replied with 'you along with everything else!' she didnt reply.

Thursday, my poppy and uncle came up. we went to the local tavern for lunch. i felt left out because my parents were talking to my poppy and uncle while my brother was mucking around with my little sister in the kids area. There was no one my age to talk to.

Today, i sent a sorry message to Lani and Cora but i still feel those feelings. they just wont go away. i feel like even though i said sorry, even though Lani forgave me, im alone. unaccepted. unwanted. jealous. i hate it.

my thoughts stopped there and went back to the monitor. i notice that the music has stopped. I become angry at my thoughts and at my emotions. i turn to the note book next to me. Grabbing a pen from my pencil case, i begin to scribble blindley. finally i calm down and loom at the pitcure. It is of Cora and Lani laying dead on either side of me. i drop the pencil and begin to cry. No one comes to my aide. no one comes to see what is wrong. i am not important to anyone. not even to my parents. everyone stays away from me.
changed names.

not exactly 100% right as my memories not too good.
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